Regardless of whether you’re dating again, after a divorce, significant breakup, or becoming widowed, or, you’ve been dating for some time, here are tips to increase your return on ROI of time, effort, and energy:
1. Both men and women are visual creatures, so your outer appearance really matters.
Don’t look at this as being superficial; like it or not, it’s just how humans are wired. Look your best. Act your best. Men, be the best gentlemen possible. Impeccable manners get noticed.
2. A first meet-up is best with coffee, drinks and appetizer, or brunch.
Make it 60 to 90 minutes, max (even if you have amazing chemistry right out of the gate). I’m not a fan of going to dinner as a dinner date with someone you aren’t interested in can seem like an eternity. ‘Meet-up-lite’, as coin it, will maximize your dating dollars. Gentlemen, pick up the tab the first few dates (you can decide how much you want to spend). If she offers to pay, kindly refuse.
3. Do not talk negatively about former relationships and partners.
Frame past experiences positively (what you learned from the experience and what you will never do again). Refrain from using the word ‘ex’ and replace with ‘former’. It’s way more respectful (even if you don’t quite feel it yet.)
4. Men can tend to dominate the conversation or only talk about themselves.
Women complain about this a lot! A man may catch himself, and say, “Hey, that’s enough about me. Let’s focus on you” but minutes later he returns to talking, missing the opportunity to engage her. Watch out for this. However, if she does this gently bring the conversation back to what you want her to know about you. Redirect and refocus.
5. To get to know a date better, ask open-ended questions.
This will allow you to learn more about her character, values, and interests. The key is to listen to understand and listen to respond (versus thinking what you will then say next). Here is a few to consider:
What do you do for work? What do you love about it?
If you were invited to a costume party, what would you wear that matched your personality?
If you had the opportunity to have dinner with anyone else in the world, who would you pick?
What would you like to learn more about?
What is the gutsiest thing you have ever done?
What would it be like to fall in love with you?
6. Be what you are looking for.
Many are searching for love. Do not, therefore, be the searcher. Rather, be that for which others are searching. Be what you wish to experience.
7. Recognize the ‘Love Cocktail’.
When attracted to someone, your brain and body are under the influence of a love-fog-of-infatuation. You can’t consciously control this but be aware of its potency.
8. Write down your personal brand attributes.
List your physical characteristics, skills, personality traits, abilities, interests, life view/worldview, and moral/spiritual beliefs. Don’t keep these in your mind; write them down.
9. If widowed, watch how much you talk about your last wife.
It’s fine to provide a few details but that’s it. The most important point to ask yourself is: Am I really ready to move forward? How do I know that? If you find yourself talking about her, a lot, just notice. A woman is interested in what life would be like with you, now, not what it looked like with them.
10. Let someone know if you are no longer interested.
Deliver the kind of message you would like to receive if the shoe were on the other foot. Do your best to not ignore messages or texts, especially those that pose a question. I know this can be hard but do your best. And lastly, DO NOT GHOST THEM!