Our lives are often guided by unfounded myths – our beliefs and what we allow others to speak into our lives. As you examine each myth, look to see how they’ve influenced decisions you’ve made in your love life. Your reflections may surprise you.
Myth #1: Divorce is a failed relationship.
Fact: Not necessarily. It’s only a failure if you don’t learn from your mistakes in the former marriage – and yes, you made mistakes. We all do. Many divorces are successful in that you recognize the end of a relationship means letting go of the other person.
Tip: Take a look at what you learned from your previous marriage and start seeing how things could be different in a new relationship. Our past relationships offer clues as to what we did right and wrong. A future partner will appreciate your willingness to grow and change.
Myth #2: I need to wait at least a year after a love loss to start dating again.
Fact: For some guys, that’s a wise practice, but for many others, it’s not. if you are newly widowed, only you (not society or other’s opinions) should determine when you seek new love. If divorced, your marriage may have been over for years before it ended.
Tip: This is the time to really look at yourself, by yourself, and reevaluate your life. The richest soil for growth can happen when you are unattached. Do the work. Now.
Myth #3: When filling out a dating profile, be general and cast a wide net.
Fact: Attracting, meeting, and dating women may not be an issue for you, but revolving-door dating is a waste of time. Be clear, specific, and honest when composing a written profile.
Tip: Go for what you want. Write a profile like you’re writing only to the woman you want to date. Be upfront on non-negotiables, such as religion, politics, and lifestyle. Getting pulled in by common generalities, like good looks, similar personalities, and shared interests can matter less than you think. Also, online is not the only way to meet women. Try a three-month offline dating cleanse. Make a list of where you can meet the most promising women: events, volunteering, workout facilities, community events, dinner groups, etc.
Myth #4: I need a ‘spark’ to know if she’s the right person for me.
Fact: Many successful couples will tell you that fireworks and instant chemistry were absent on their initial dates. Maybe the environment was not in their favor or nervousness got in the way. Instant chemistry can feel euphoric, but authentic, healthy, sexy, secure relationships build s-l-o-w-l-y.
Tip: A ‘spark’ has power. It can convince you that she is exactly who you’re looking for, which of course feels wonderful. But be cautious. What you’re experiencing is a smooth cocktail of neurochemicals that can lead to a love fog of infatuation, making you unable to think clearly or act reasonably.